The Sweetroll Destiny
by sassycreeds
Summary: A majestic story about the Khajiit Dragonborn, Ae'agle, going on a manly adventure on a wild hunt for her stolen sweet rolls. Will she find them? Or will she suffer in pain from the eternal loss from her tasty sweet rolls? ((Please do not take this story seriously to keep your sanity in check)).


Ae'agle was always a calm and collected person. It was disconcerting to see her in a mood where she was seething and threatening to slice anyone who went near her into hundreds of little pieces. Her claws were extended and her fangs were bared as she tore the parchment that was sent to her into pieces. The courier who had given it to her just stood there awkwardly and Farkas backed away slowly, hoping not to become her punching bag. "I'll ask you one more time. Who sent this letter?" Ae'agle ground out through clenched teeth. "O-Okay! I'll tell! He told me not to tell you, so stay quiet, okay? It was one of the Thalmor Justiciars who were on the way to Whiterun. He told me to give it to the Dragonborn. That's all I know! I swear!" The courier held his hands up in front of his face for protection as if Ae'agle was going to slash his face so the scars on her face matched on his. "Thank you for the letter," she snarled before walking into her house, Breezehome, slamming the door shut. He stood outside the house for a couple of minutes, expecting her to come out soon. Hesitantly, Farkas walked in after her.

She didn't seem to be present. He walked upstairs and saw her stuffing her face with cheese. "Err…" Farkas began, awkwardly watching her find more food to eat. "Why are you eating?" Farkas said finally. "Because I'm angry!" she said in a distressed voice, slightly muffled by the amount of food in her mouth. Farkas sighed. Of course, he thought, the great Dragonborn eats cheese when she's upset.

"Okay, I'm ready. We're going to Sovngarde."

"_What?!_"

"THAT'S WHERE THE THALMOR HID MY SWEETROLLS!"

"Your _sweetrolls_?" Farkas said disbelievingly.

"They're in Sovngarde!" yelled Ae'agle.

"In _Sovngarde_?" Farkas said in an even more disbelieving tone.

"Yes! Now, we need to get to the Throat of the World, and _fast_. Like hell are the Nordic heroes going to eat my sweetrolls!"

They set out at that very second. Days passed before they finally made it to Ivarstead. There, they rested for the first time. Ae'agle seemed unaffected, but Farkas was so exhausted he felt like he could sleep for a week. They awoke feeling the strong craving for sweetrolls. "You're right," Farkas said gravelly, "Not a living soul in Tamriel can live without sweetrolls!" Ae'agle rolled her eyes annoyingly. "And you just realised that now?" she said. "Yes." Farkas replied dumbly. "Ugh." Ae'agle face-palmed miserably.

Their journey up the mountain began. Well, Farkas's journey, Ae'agle had taken to riding Shadowmere.

Partway up, where the icy winds blew snow dangerously around the trio, a Frost Troll leaped down from a snowed over cliffside. It pounded its fists upon its furry chest and roared, its voice echoing upon the mountain walls. "_Yol, TOOR SHUL!_" Ae'agle shouted, fire erupting from her mouth and burning the great creature. It screeched and grunted in pain, flapping its stupid arms around the place before promptly jumping off the mountain in horror. Both Farkas and Ae'agle winced as they heard a Stormcloak shriek in fright from miles down below with their sharpened Werewolf senses. She (or he?) had probably been crushed by the beast. Poor Stormcloak.

Soon, they made it to the top of the tall, tall mountain, not saying 'hi' to the Greybeards because Ae'agle is just 'that' type of person and confronted Paarthurnax. His great draconic voice bellowed and echoed in the air. "I can create a portal to Sovngarde, Dovahkiin, but you must repay me. Bring me a bone from the great whale-bone bridge that the Nord warrior Tsun guards. You must defeat him a second time to earn it." Ae'agle groaned. "Again? That was one hell of a fight. And I had already used all my healing potions while trying to defeat Nahkriin." Parthurnaax rolled his sharp, grey dragon eyes. "Deal with it," he thundered, and opened a portal to Sovngarde. Both Farkas and Ae'agle leapt through.

Farkas's eyes gleamed with awe as his friend dragged him down the stone pathway and to the bridge. Tsun was drinking a cup of tea in a china cup with pink flowers patterned upon it. He was smiling happily. Ae'agle walked up to him while Farkas stayed behind to play with some butterflies. "Hi Tsun. I want a bone from your bridge." Instantly, Tsun stood and smashed the tea cup violently by hurling it onto the ground. His metal booted foot ground the china into the stone. Tsun's expression showed pure seething fury. He clenched his fists, flexing, and let out a huge manly roar that echoed off the huge chasm below the bridge. Ae'agle backed away slowly and put up her hands defensively. "Uh, hey, man, I didn't mean to-" she began, trying not to anger him. He smiled prettily and femininely again. "Okay! Teehee!" He skipped stupidly towards the bridge and once he found a good bone to give Ae'agle, he bellowed another manly roar from exertion and snapped off a whale rib bone. The sound of the great snap echoed off the great abyss beneath them. He skipped back across the bone bridge and handed the bone to Farkas who had returned to Ae'agle's side. "Here you go!" Tsun said femininely and went back to making tea. "Okay…" Ae'agle said, slightly disturbed.

Farkas and Ae'agle carefully walked across the bridge, stepping over the missing bone. In front of them was the great hall of Sovngarde. Farkas was fangirling so bad he was literally drooling and 'squee!'ing. It was hilarious.

Inside the hall Nordic heroes sang and danced while playing music and drinking. Great barrels of alcohol and mead lined the walls and it was the most beautiful sight anyone could ask for. But enough of that. We came for the sweetrolls.

"WHERE ARE MY SWEETROLLS?!" bellowed Ae'agle. Everyone turned and stared. Even the bards stopped playing music. The Khajiit stood there with her ears flattened and her fangs bared. She looked like she was going to burst. Farkas took a step back just in case she 'shouted'.

"I TRAVELLED FROM WHITERUN TO THE THROAT OF THE WORLD TO FIND OUT THAT NO ONE HERE HAS MY SWEETROLLS?!"

Her Thu'um escaped her and all of Sovngarde shook with her fury. A hero put his hand up timidly. "Err… I thought I saw some in the back room over there…" he said as he pointed to a small door in the corner of the hall. Silent eyes watched Farkas and Ae'agle as they walked to the small stone door. She opened it and almost cried at the beautiful sight. The cupboard was filled to the brim with sweetrolls and Ae'agle instantly began to stuff them into a great linen bag clearly labelled 'Beloved Sweetrolls'. Soon enough, she had filled up twelve of the giant linen bags with sweetrolls and was just about to leave when she saw tall, ugly ears among the warriors. A Thalmor Nazi. Within a single beat of a hummingbird's wings, Ae'agle drew her bow and the Daedric arrow flew across the room, hitting the High Elf straight in the left eye. The Nords backed away, shocked at the commotion. The Khajiit swaggered up to the corpse and stood above it, putting on a pair of sick shades. "Deal with it," she said simply, crushing her boot upon the Thalmor Douchebag so his skull cracked. Brains and blood splurged out onto the floor. Farkas seemed disgusted and he waved his hands around like a girl. "Eeeew!" he said. "NO ONE steals my sweetrolls. NO ONE," the Khajiit shrieked. She summoned a portal back to the Throat of the World and dragged Farkas through along with her precious, precious sweetrolls. The portal disappeared leaving a couple of dumbstruck Nordic Warriors to clean up a dead Thalmor that was crushed like a fly on the ground.

No one ever stole Ae'agle's sweet rolls again even though she dedicated her life to stealing other people's sweetrolls.

THE END


End file.
